


Hopeless

by madameyuki



Category: Blood+
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-10-07 14:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10362438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madameyuki/pseuds/madameyuki
Summary: In the midst of the war against Diva, one of Red Shield's own is fighting her own war. A chance encounter brought her an unexpected solution. Now, Kaelin Lizzio meets in secret with one of Diva's chevaliers, but she won't tell him why. How much longer can she fight her demons? How much longer until she becomes a demon herself? Or is there a chance that a demon may save her?





	1. The State of Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> I am quite new to Ao3 and I'm very happy to be here. I'm still learning my way around; every site has a slightly different way of doing things. Any tips you've got for me, I would really appreciate.
> 
> Happy reading!

_Choose a rooftop near the water. 8pm tonight._

The text message arrived around noon, causing the small silver flip phone to vibrate. Kaelin Lizzio, a young woman of 18 years, drew the device from her pocket and glanced at the message. An expression that wasn’t quite a smile tugged at her lips as she returned the phone to its place. She stood in an alley between two old brick buildings in Paris waiting for her informant to return.

Kaelin, or Kay as most people called her, was young for a member of the Red Shield, a secret organization dedicated to eradicating the blood-sucking race of creatures known as chiropterans. Most of their ranks were made up of ex-military who had experienced the chiropteran threat on the battlefield. Kaelin had her own reasons for fighting this war.

Though she had dressed inconspicuously in jeans, black boots, a plain black tee, and a light jacket, Kaelin tucked herself into the shadows to avoid attention. Their meeting place was in a busier part of the city than she would have liked, but that couldn’t be helped when trying to find information on a large international company like Cinq Flesche.

She had started to tap the toe of her boot impatiently on the ground when a middle-aged man came around the corner. he was so busy looking anxiously behind him that he almost ran straight into her.

“Bonjour,” she said casually to get his attention. The man halted in his tracks and breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped into the light.

“Bonjour, mademoiselle,” he replied. The man had a sheen of nervous sweat on his balding crown.

“Were you able to retrieve the documents I requested?” she continued in fluent French. Kaelin held out her hand, her eyebrows raised slightly. He reached into his jacket and drew out a plain manilla envelope, setting it gently in her outstretched hand. She opened it and pulled the sheaf of papers inside partially, skimming the front page. After setting them back inside the envelope, she upended the whole thing, catching the USB drive that fell out of it in her free hand. That she slipped into her pocket. From the same pocket, Kaelin retrieved another envelope, this one letter size and thick with its own contents. “Very good. Here is the payment we agreed upon. You understand that this never happened?”

He nodded, eagerly counting the bills she had handed him.

“Yes, yes, of course,” he waved her off dismissively. Kaelin smiled and started walking towards the street, pausing next to him to pat his shoulder. The man’s muscles tensed under her hand.

“Good, I wouldn’t want to have to threaten you.”

Satisfied that her meaning had gotten across, Kaelin went on her way. She hailed a cab and went back to the apartment she was using whilst in Paris. The Goldschmidt family owned several such properties in major cities, houses and apartments that looked normal but had been modified to serve as safe houses for Red Shield operatives. This building housed a handful of apartments and even had it’s own courtyard, though the space was bare with the exception of a small wrought iron table and two chairs. Kay made her way up to her unit, locked the door tight behind her, and made her way to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of wine and settled in the living room to report in to headquarters.

“Kaelin, how’s Paris?” a pleasant voice asked on the other end. Joel Goldschmidt VI was the current head of Red Shield, bearing a name and position that had been passed down generations in the Goldschmidt family. For the most part, he let his high ranking operatives like David and Aston Collins handle the details of running the organization, but he took it upon himself to be Kaelin’s handler. 

“Dreadfully dull,” she replied with a small sigh. “I appreciate the importance of this little intelligence gathering missions, I do, but it's not exactly what I trained for.”

“If what we suspect about Cinq Flesches is true, then what you are doing will end up being incredibly valuable,” Joel explained patiently. “Would you like me to send a chopper to pick you up this evening?”

Kaelin took a gulp of wine before saying, “No, I have some loose ends to tie up here. Send it in the morning. Hopefully this will be the last night I have to spend in this godforsaken city.”

***

That evening a little before eight, Kay took another cab back to a more central part of the city near the Seine. She strolled past small cafes and bakeries, peeking in alleyways until she spotted a handy fire escape on the side of a building. The retracted ladder hung a few feet above her head. A giggling couple walked past the mouth of the alley; Kay ducked into the shadows until they were gone. Then she backed up several steps and ran at the wall. She planted one foot against the wall and propelled herself upwards, gripping the bottom rung of the ladder and letting her weight pull it down. That accomplished, Kay climbed to the roof.

A short wall circled the roof at about waist height. She was leaning against it and watching the sunset when someone lightly tapped her shoulder. Kay closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning to face him.

Solomon Goldsmith was probably the most beautiful man she had ever laid eyes on. He had a head of wavy blonde hair that seemed to beg for her to run her fingers through it. His eyes were a shade of blue green that reminded her of the sea; their soft glow a stark contrast to her own piercing grey-eyed gaze. He always looked crisp in his white suits, every inch the young, successful CEO. If she hadn’t been so acutely aware of what he was, she might’ve been intrigued to understand him more. Instead, a mild panic washed over her at the sight of him. She beat down that feeling of fear and anxiety, though she knew the sound of her heartbeat betrayed her.

“Hello Kay,” Solomon greeted her. His voice was warm and gentle, the sort of voice that made a person comfortable. She often wondered if his soft-spoken manner was the way that he always spoke or if he was trying not to spook her. “How are you this evening? I know you prefer the sunset over the ocean; this was the best I could do this far inland.”

“I appreciate the gesture, I suppose,” she said, straightening. “I am well, thank you for asking.”

“Are you enjoying Paris?” He asked as Kay shrugged off her jacket. She bundled it up and set it aside. “You must have some free time to take in the sights.”

Her jacket taken care of, Kay turned and reached up to unclasp the choker she always wore. It was comprised of a wide black ribbon with a silver heart locket set with a dull red stone. The gem was in reality the crystallised remains of a slain chiropteran and every member of Red Shield carried one. She swore under her breath as her fingers slipped on the catch. Gentle hands pushed her hair to the side and deftly unhooked the clasp. The locket fell into her palm. She closed her hand around it, not liking the guilt she felt looking at it.

“I don’t like Paris,” she replied tersely. “This city is so cliche. I leave in the morning. If I never have to come back here, it will be too soon.” 

His fingers brushed the skin at the base of her neck. She inhaled sharply. The muscles in her shoulders and neck tensed. He sighed behind her. She stepped away, hands clasped behind her back. When she she was several feet away, Kay turned to face him again.

“Give me a minute. I just need a minute.”

Her voice was shaky and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. He waited, watching silently as she paced and wrung her hands, cursing under her breath. Kay took several deep breaths, eyes on the orange and red sky. After a couple moments, she came back over to him. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t panic as much as you used to,” he remarked, giving her a friendly pat on the shoulder. Her heartbeat quickened again but she didn’t flinch. “Could it be that you’re starting to trust me a little?”

“Just because we have this little arrangement, does not mean I’ve forgotten that you are the enemy.”

She turned her back to him and swept her hair aside, exposing her neck. 

“Let’s just get it over with.”

Solomon closed the distance between them. He slipped one arm around her waist and ran his fingers lightly down the side of her neck. Kaelin closed her eyes and tried to focus solely on her breathing. Her heart was racing in her chest. When she felt his lips brush her skin, she tensed and went to jump away again when the arm around her waist tightened, holding her fast. Fangs sank into her flesh, a sharp pain followed by a dull pounding. His body was warm against hers, which seemed to be losing its own heat. She felt dizzy and weak as she locked her eyes on the setting sun. Kay focused on that beautiful sight as the edges of her vision started to go fuzzy, then black, and she went limp in Solomon’s arms.

Judging by the color of the sky above when she opened her eyes, Kaelin guessed she had been unconscious for about ten or fifteen minutes. She was on her back on the rooftop with what felt like her rolled up coat underneath her head as a pillow. As she slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, she noticed something made of white fabric sliding down her arms and found it was Solomon’s suit jacket. Holding it in her hands, she looked up to see him sitting on the ledge a few feet away. He turned to face her as she gathered her feet underneath her and leaned on the wall, trying to stand. Before she could even blink, Solomon was at her side, hands gripping her arms to steady her.

“I’m surprised to see you’re still here,” Kay remarked, stepping back from his support when she knew she could stand on her own. She held his jacket out to him. “You got what came for; you didn’t have to stick around.”

“I wanted to make sure you were alright,” Solomon said, sounding slightly offended as he took the jacket back. “How do you feel?”

Kay ran her fingers over the puncture marks on her neck. They stung under her touch and still bled sluggishly. Part of her wished he had left while she was asleep. During these meetings of theirs, the line drawn between them in this war, the divide between his side and hers, seemed to blur. Solomon never spoke of Diva or his fellow Chevaliers, just as Kay was careful never to say anything about the Red Shield or Saya. In the beginning, he hadn’t bothered to try and make her comfortable before or after. They would meet, he would drink her blood, and they would go their separate ways. But it seemed that every time they met, the barrier between them crumbled a little more. Sometimes she caught Solomon looking at her, as if he was fascinated by her presence. She couldn’t explain it. 

“Just a little light-headed, which is to be expected. Thank you for that, by the way,” Kay said, gesturing towards him as he pulled his jacket back on. 

“It was nothing.” Solomon raised a finger to his lips, touching them lightly with a far away look. “You’ve become quite fond of wine as of late.”

Kay frowned.

“What makes you say that?’”

“I can taste it. I don’t mean to intrude, but you seem a bit young to be indulging in the habit. Perhaps you could dial it back a bit?” 

“I thought it was appropriate while I was stuck in France,” she replied with a shrug. “Once I return to headquarters, I will be cut off. No need to concern yourself.”

Kay retrieved her jacket and shook it out before slipping it on. What did he care if she had a couple drinks today? Solomon was a chiropteran and servant to the great enemy Diva. She didn’t understand his reason for bringing up the subject. 

“Would you like a ride?” Solomon asked.

Kay shook her head.

“I can’t have you knowing the location of my secret base, can I? It’s not far, I can walk. Besides, I was going to stop somewhere for a bit of dinner anyway.” 

Solomon reached into a pocket and produced his wallet, rifling through its contents. He held out a couple of bills to her. 

“Please, let me pay for your supper.”

“Oh no,” she objected, pushing his hand away. “I am not letting you give me money like I’m some prostitute! What do you take me for?”

He sighed.

“If you would at the very least accept some monetary compensation, I would not struggle so much over your reason for doing this. What reason could you possibly have for submitting yourself to this?” Solomon returned the wallet to his pocket and met her eyes. Kay fidgeted uncomfortably under his gaze. He had started asking this question more frequently. It seemed as they became more relaxed in each other’s presence, the more he seemed to be bothered over her willingness to be fed on. This wasn’t simply curiosity anymore. “I’ve brewed up then discarded dozens of theories. You clearly get no pleasure from the act, in fact it seems to terrify you.”

Kaelin raised her eyebrows, a slight expression of surprise crossing her face. She wondered how far he planned to take this line of inquiry.

“You’re not pumping me for information, that much is certain,” he continued. “That would require you to engage in conversation. This can’t be some sort of scientific study, there’s not enough consistency. And you would be likely working with Red Shield’s team, but I know you’re keeping this secret from them too.”

She waited for a moment to see if he was done, then turned to go down the fire escape. 

“Kaelin?”

She stopped, one leg over the side, and looked back at him, her expression indifferent. 

“Accept your good fortune or don’t come back,” she said simply, throwing her other leg over and climbing down to the street. Solomon peered over the ledge to watch her go. Kay gave him a little wave before going around a corner and out of his sight.

The next morning, Kay boarded a helicopter bound back to where the ship that served as Red Shield headquarters was stationed off the coast of Marseilles. She didn’t speak to the pilot who had been sent to fetch her. Instead, she spent the flight gazing down on the French countryside, watching vineyards and farms zip by beneath them. Then they were over the water and the huge cruise ship that served Red Shield as its headquarters came into view. A man wearing a black suit with a white shirt and black tie waited as they descended to the helipad. He approached as the rotors started to slow and Kay stepped out, gathering two duffel bags from the back.

“Miss Lizzio!” The man shouted over the roar of the engine and the wind. “Welcome back. The chief would like to see you in his office.”

“Thank you,” she replied, walking with him to the door that led to the interior of the ship. Kay was dressed in a similar fashion to him, black slacks and jacket, white button up shirt. “I’ll head that way after I’ve gotten settled in my room.”

“He insisted on seeing you right away.”

Kay sighed gustily and made her way to Joel’s office. She paused outside his door and set one of her bags down, freeing her hand to straighten her choker and the collar of her shirt. When she was sure that the bite marks were covered, she knocked and entered.

“Kaelin, welcome back,” Joel greeted her warmly. “I trust the trip went smoothly?”

The director of Red Shield was a man of average build, with brown hair and blue eyes. Despite being head of a secret organization that battled blood-sucking monsters, Joel almost always wore an expression of kind understanding and only put on a more serious face when the situation was in dire need of it. He not only acted as her handler, but had become something of a father figure to her since she had lost her own father very young. 

“Clear skies, a perfect day for flying,” Kay answered, leaving her bags by the door and settling into the chair across from him at his desk. “Now cut to the chase, Joel. What was so urgent that I couldn’t even dump my laundry first?”

“You’re always so blunt, Kay,” Joel said reproachfully. “Very well, I wanted to speak with you to give you some prior notice to our situation. As you know, we received intel that Saya and Hagi were heading towards the Zoo following their disappearance in Russia. David and Lewis, along with Saya’s adopted brothers Kai and Riku, were dispatched to try and persuade them to return. They were able to meet up with Saya there, but there was an...incident.

Not only did Diva’s chevalier Solomon apparently show up there,” Kay kept her face impassive, though she did bring her hand up to her neck. She disguised the action by then propping her chin in that hand. “But Diva herself made an appearance. There was a brief battle before Diva retreated. Unfortunately, Riku, the youngest, was fatally injured. Saya gave him her blood in an effort to save his life.”

“What?” Kay couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Riku Miyagusku was little more than a child. “Did he survive?”

“Riku is being monitored down in medical. At this point he has not woken up,” Joel said with a sigh, leaning forward to meet her eyes. “This is obviously a delicate situation and you are not known for being a delicate person.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I know you do not approve of Red Shield working with Saya to defeat Diva. However this is not the time for you to express those feelings. Saya is dealing with complicated situation. If you encounter her or any of her companions on the ship, try to exercise some restraint.”

Kay stood and stretched. 

“I will do my best, chief,” she said dully. “Can I please go? I’ve been dying to get out of Paris for weeks.”

He dismissed her with a wave of his hand. Kay collected her bags and went to her room. It was small space in the interior of the ship, without even a window to the outside. The furniture consisted of a twin size bed, desk and chair, and a small wardrobe. She tossed her jacket over the chair as soon as she arrived, fuming over what she had learned. Saya, the legendary killer of chiropterans and the only tool Red Shield had to truly kill the beasts, had taken it upon herself to turn an innocent boy into a monster. And now they were all there on the ship. Her hands shook. She went to her wardrobe and wrenched the door open to look in the mirror hung on the inside. Kay gazed into her reflection, pulling her collar and the ribbon aside to look at the puncture marks in her skin. She stared, running her fingers lightly over the scabs. 

Footsteps and muffled conversation outside shook her out of her trance. Kay shut the wardrobe door and turned to unpack her bags. That task completed, she collapsed onto the bed, suddenly feeling weary.

 _I’ll just rest awhile,_ she decided, shutting her eyes. _I can deal with Saya later._


	2. Black and White

After waking from her nap in midafternoon, Kay changed into a fresh shirt and slacks and gathered up her dirty clothes from her stay in Paris. She carried it down to the ship’s laundry and got it started, then went for a bit of a wander. The mood at headquarters was different with Saya and company aboard. Everywhere she turned Kay found her fellow Red Shield members far more focused and alert than normal. Saya and Diva had awakened at last; the war was on in earnest once more. Knowing that Saya was with them gave the others hope, but it only made Kay anxious. 

She walked aimlessly for awhile. First into the library, then out of it when she decided she was too restless to read. Next to the shooting range where she emptied several magazines in an attempt to work out some of her nerves. Eventually her feet took her to medical without her brain realizing it until she stopped at the door. She paused for a beat, then entered.

Dr. Julia Silverstein sat with her legs crossed, one elbow propped up on the desk with a lit cigarette dangling between her fingers while she stared intently at the figure in the bed on the other side of the glass. She glanced at Kay only momentarily as she entered. Kay came to stand next to her. She hadn’t been expecting the boy to be hooked to so many machines, their whirring and beeping the only noise to fill the tense silence. He looked so small and fragile among them. 

“You shouldn’t be in here,” Julia commented quietly after a couple minutes passed. Kay swallowed, unable to tear her eyes from Riku. 

“I know. I just had to see for myself. He looks…” she hesitated, the words stuck in her throat. “Has he changed?”

Julia took a drag off her cigarette and slowly breathed it out before replying. 

“We can’t be sure yet. We’re not entirely sure what we’re looking for.”

The door opened and Dr. Collins’ voice sounded from behind them.

“Miss Lizzio! The chief doesn’t want you anywhere near this! I was told he was going to speak to you about the matter as soon as you arrived.”

“He did. I was just on my way out.”

Kay shut her eyes to the sad scene before her and turned to leave, shouldering her way rudely past Collins on her way out. She was thinking about heading down to the gym to blow off more steam when four people rounded the corner just ahead. One she knew very well, Lewis, a good-natured and prominent member of their organization. One was a complete stranger, though she had a guess as to his identity. The last two she had never met, but recognized instantly. 

Her blood turned to ice in her veins when she laid eyes on Saya. She had a vague notion that Lewis was speaking, but a strange rushing sound had filled her ears. A flood of emotions washed over her in waves. Panic. Anger. Anxiety. Sadness. Fear. 

“Hey Kaelin, are you alright?” Lewis’s soft Jamaican accent was muffled by the rushing. He was the only one moving in the hallway, coming towards her with a hand outstretched. Kay took a deep trembling breath and sprang into action. She whipped two knives from their hiding place at the small of her back and launched herself forward with a feral yell, fixated on Saya.

Hagi reacted instantly. He pushed Saya aside and put himself between her and Kay, coolly deflecting her strikes with open hands. The knife in her left hand went flying, swiftly followed by the other. She somersaulted past him, coming up smoothly on and turning on her knees. In that same moment she had produced a small handgun from an ankle holster and leveled it at Hagi. There was confused shouting mixed in with the rushing, but she only had eyes for the two chiropterans. So focused was she that she didn’t see everyone’s eyes shift from her to something just behind her. And then there was a sharp blow right between her shoulderblades that sent her flying forward onto the floor. The gun clattered out of her hand and a oxford clad shoe came into sight to kick it far out of her reach. Kay knew who it was before the rough hand grabbed her by her collar and dragged her to her feet. 

“Mr. David?”

Kay couldn’t help it, a bitter laugh escaped her lips; she hadn’t expected their great savior to sound so small and meek. Her laugh earned her a shake. The smile faded to an annoyed scowl. 

“I suppose there’s no point in asking you not to tell Joel, is there?” Kay commented, turning to look at David’s furious face beside her. “I didn’t think so.”

“And I don’t suppose that you feel like explaining yourself or perhaps even apologizing?” David shot back at her. 

“You know, I don’t think that I do,” she replied. “Shall we?”

He shoved her forward, indicating she lead the way up to Joel’s office. As they left, they could hear Lewis calming down those they had left behind. If she slowed, she got another sharp push, right up to the point where she hesitated outside the door to Joel’s office. Her entrance was a tumble through the door frame, landing hard on the carpeted floor. 

“And what is the meaning of this?” Joel pushed back his chair and stood, eyes wide. Kay got to her feet and straightened her clothes as David shut the door behind them.

“Disobeying a direct order, insubordination,” Kay ticked them off on her fingers and she wandered over and sat on the couch. “Aggravated assault?”

Joel closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing his temples like a migraine had suddenly struck him. “You confronted Saya.”

“But I tried really hard not to.”

Joel’s gaze told her he was not amused. She took a deep breath and straightened.  
“I didn’t mean for it to happen; I swear I wasn’t look for a fight. I just sort of ran into them and when I saw her...I lost it. I’m sorry Joel.”

“I need you to apologize,” he said, voice low and even. Kay opened her mouth to speak but he raised a hand to cut her off. “To Saya, not to me. And you’re going to spend the next few weeks doing a full inventory of the belowdecks storerooms.”

“Is this one of those classic, I’m not mad, just disappointed moments?”

“No, I assure you, Kaelin, I am angry. I just know that nothing productive comes from yelling at you. You may go.”

***

Kai Miyagusku was looking for an escape. Not necessarily a quiet one; there were plenty of empty places on the vast ship where every sound echoed along the metallic walls. He just felt the need to step back from everything that was happening. Just when they had managed to find Saya again, Riku had been hurt, and now they weren’t sure if he was going to wake up. Now Saya was shaken up by the spontaneous attack from that girl when they went to visit Riku. Lewis had only told them that she was a member of the Red Shield and that she was prone to ‘acting out’. Kai didn’t know what to think. 

The hallway he walked opened up into the glorious dining room. Luxurious red and gold carpet made up the floor and the room lit by elegant chandeliers mounted high on vaulted ceilings. This was one of the places where it was clear the place had been built to be a cruise ship. The room looked like it was meant to be filled with tourists. Instead, it stood empty. Despite there being no one to serve, delicious smells emanated from the kitchen. Kai followed his nose through the double doors.

“Whatcha cooking in here Lewis? I’m starving,” he said as he walked in, hands stuck in pockets and glancing around the room. Kai froze as he laid eyes on the cook, who was not Lewis, but the girl Kaelin from earlier. She was just as frozen as he, standing at the stove in the process of stirring the contents of a large pot. She had shed her white button-up blouse to reveal a red tank top underneath and had a kitchen towel thrown over one shoulder. 

“Umm...hello.” She set the spoon aside and wiped her hands on the towel before turning to fully face him. Her tone was hesitant. “I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself. I’m Kaelin Lizzio. You can call me Kay if you like. And you’re Kai, right?”

“Yeah,” he said, drawing the word out. There followed an awkward silence between them, filled only with the sounds of bubbling liquid. Kay turned down the heat on one but did not return to cooking. “I’ll just get out of your hair then…”

“No, please stay. You said you’re hungry. I made plenty of food.” Like a spell had broken, Kay bustled around the kitchen once more, retrieving two pasta plates. She filled the first with linguine noodles, ladling a white alfredo sauce generously over top. Into the second went penne and tomato sauce with sausage. She set both on the island and produced a stool, which Kai promptly sat upon, not feeling he had much of a choice. The food turned out to taste as good as it smelled.

“Why’d you make so much?” he asked between bites, watching as she removed a pan of golden brown breadsticks from the oven. She brought three over on a small plate along with a glass of water. 

“I cook sometimes when I’m upset,” she explained, pulling up her own stool. “It’s an Italian thing.”

“You’re Italian?”

“Born and raised.”

Kai sampled one of the breadsticks, making small noises of appreciation while chewing.

“I would’ve thought you’d have more of an accent.”

She laughed.

“An obvious accent does not a good spy make. Getting rid of it was one of the first things I worked on when I came to Red Shield. Not that it doesn’t pop out time and again.” Kay paused, folding pleats in the towel in her lap and avoiding eye contact while he continued to eat. “Kai, I wanted to say I’m sorry about what happened to your brother. I hope this works out and he wakes up soon. Losing a brother was one of the hardest things I ever went through.”

Kai stopped with a forkful of noodles halfway to his mouth. He noticed that her hands trembled even though her face stayed blank. She raised her eyes to meet his as he set the fork down on his place.

“You had a brother?”

Kay nodded.

“His name was Luca. We were very close. Both he and our mother were killed in an accident five years ago.”

“And your father?”

“My father was a member of this organization, Red Shield, and he was killed while out on a mission when I was about eight or so. Joel was always a sort of unofficial uncle to us; he made a point to visit once or twice a year after Papa died, always brought gifts and money to help out. Since I have no living relatives, Joel arranged for me to come live with him so that I wouldn’t go into the foster system. He never intended for me to join Red Shield, I think the original plan was some posh boarding school in France, but once I learned the truth I knew I had to be part of it.”

There followed a silence between them. Kay got back up and started assembling two more plates of pasta. She wrapped some breadsticks in a cloth napkin and then put everything on a tray. She even shredded some fresh cheese on top. Kai had finished up the alfredo when she set everything in front of him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“It’s for Saya. I heard she eats a lot. I was ordered to apologize for my...outburst earlier, but I don’t know that I’m ready for that. Joel and I have a difference in opinion about the situation.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Kai murmured, getting to his feet and picking up the tray. 

“I don’t trust them. I can’t. It makes no sense to make a deal with the devil in order to destroy his demons. He’ll turn on you in the end.” 

“You don’t know Saya. That’s a totally unfair judgement.” 

She shrugged.

“Probably, but that’s how I feel.” 

She looked as if she had something else to say, but was interrupted by her phone ringing. Kay plucked the handset from her belt and and scowled at the name on the screen briefly before answering. The conversation was short, requiring only a ‘Yes, sir’ on her part. She returned the phone to its place before grabbing a walkie talkie instead. 

“Everyone, this is Kaelin. Just wanted to let you know there is fresh pasta in the kitchen if you want some. Enjoy.”

The walkie talkie was also returned to her belt and Kay shrugged back into her white blouse.

“I have to go, Joel wants to see me. I’ll see you around Kai.”

She was out the door before he could say a word. He took a few more bites of his breadstick before gathering up the tray she had prepared and trotting off to find Saya before the food got cold.

***

The meeting with Joel was as brief as the phone call. He had decided on a punishment for her behavior towards their beloved savior and she was to start right away. Kay scowled all the way to the furthest storage room in the bowels of the massive ship, clipboard in hand, to start taking inventory of the items stored there. She was to work her way through as many of these rooms as she could until she had another assignment. 

So began a new routine. Though routine was perhaps not quite the right word. Kaelin’s day for the most part began and ended in quiet dusty rooms somewhere below the waterline. She left only to sleep, eat, or train. However, the task ended up being much less lonely than she had anticipated. Despite her disastrous first impression, Kai frequently found his way to where she was working. He found a place to sit, sometimes constructing one from whatever boxes or crates were available, and they would talk while she counted. She never let him help no matter how many times he offered, worried that the punishment could somehow get worse if she was found to be shirking. 

When a day came that Kai didn’t join Kay in the storeroom, she knew that Riku must have finally come out of his coma. Her suspicions were confirmed that evening when she made her way to an upper deck to find something to eat and spotted Kai pushing his brother in a wheelchair. She briefly considered ducking her head and finding an alternative route, but Kai spotted her and waved her over before she had a chance. She smiled in a way that she hoped wasn’t awkward through the introductions.

“We’re all very glad that you seem to be recovering well, Riku,” she said at her most polite. “Everyone was quite worried.”

Kaelin looked up in time to see a flicker of what looked like amusement cross Kai’s face. They had gotten to know each other pretty well during the time they spent together while she was doing inventory. He seemed to find her attempts at being civil funny. 

“You’re the one that doesn’t like Saya, right?” Riku asked, catching her off guard. She blinked rapidly, searching for a response that wouldn’t come off the wrong way. Kai was now looking pointedly at the wall. 

“It has been brought to my attention that I do foster some prejudices, yes,” Kaelin replied with a little half smile. “Now, if you two would excuse me, I was on my way to the gym to do some training.”

“That’s all right, Julia wanted to see Riku here for some more tests. We’ll see you later, Kay.”

She watched them for a moment as they proceeded down the hall. From what Kay had already overheard about the results coming from Red Shield’s team, it was all but confirmed that Riku had fully transformed into a chevalier. The extent of his abilities as one were at this time unknown, but he was no longer human. Kai was just going along like nothing had changed. Did that mean he was in simply in denial or that he didn’t understand had happened? Kaelin didn’t know herself. She didn’t know her own feelings about the situation. Looking at and speaking to him, Riku seemed like a perfectly normal boy his own age. Was he now a monster? Or was he simply a little different?

She shook her head and continued on. Time would tell.


	3. A Means to an End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently all I needed was an extra boring day at work to finally finish this chapter! The big reveal is coming, next chapter. I promise!

_There were no windows. No way to know how much time had passed. Had she been there simply hours or had it been days, weeks even? She hadn’t an inkling. She didn’t even know for sure what was happening. The room was clinically white, from the walls to the ceiling to the furniture and the coats worn by the silent figures who moved around her. White surgical masks left only their eyes exposed, eyes which revealed nothing though her own begged for answers._

_There were no windows, but there was pain. In the crook of her elbows where she had been subjected to numerous IVs and blood draws. On her raw wrists and ankles where she had repeatedly fought the bonds that kept her bound tight to the gurney after her captors learned that she could and would fight back at every opportunity. And in the muscles that had been strained to their limits in her attempts to get free. Her throat was sore from being forced to swallow pills. She felt other things. A tightness in her throat, pressure in her skull._

_But it wasn’t the result they wanted. She could see that as she tried to stay attentive for any hint of where she was or any opening for a chance of escape. As that uncountable time passed, their blank stares became tinged with confusion and frustration. Their brows were more often furrowed as they scribbled on their clipboards._

_And as she resigned herself to this timeless purgatory she was suddenly free. When they weren’t looking, the cuffs vanished and she struggled to pull her stiff and sore body from the bed. There were yells. They all bore down on her, grabbing for any part they could reach, some brandishing menacing looking syringes full of clear liquid. Her body moved through the air like it was mud. She pushed on towards the door, feeling them close in behind her, and reached out to grasp the handle._

_And her hand met flat solid wall._

_A dozen hands grabbed her all at once and a needle plunged into the side of her neck._

Kay shot up in bed, one hand flying up to her neck where the ghostly feeling of a needle was fading. She gasped for air and threw off her blankets, drenched in sweat. It took a few moments for her to calm down and get her thoughts straight. She wasn’t trapped; she was safe. As the panic started to fade and her mind cleared, Kay swung her legs over the side of the bed and stumbled into the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. Though she was awake, the pressure headache remained, as if her brain was too big for her skull. There was a kind of burning in her throat. Her breathing was still strained. She stared down her reflection in the mirror, trying to push the feelings down. A feeling of almost rabid anger rose up like a tidal wave over her mind. Kay slammed her fist down on the counter and fought that back too. She reached blindly for a bottle of pills she knew was nearby and swallowed two dry. 

It took twenty minutes for Kaelin to feel like herself again. She wandered over to her  
desk and opened the bottom drawer, shifting its contents aside to lift the false bottom and retrieve the leather bound notebook hidden there. Opening it to its next blank page, Kay wrote down everything she could remember about the dream and the physical effects she had experienced afterwards. She tapped her pen absentmindedly against the paper once she’d finished, staring at her words without seeing them. 

Coming to a decision, Kay got up from her desk and pulled on a sweatshirt and some sneakers. She grabbed a flashlight and her walkie, shoving the latter in her pocket with the volume turned as low as it went without turning it off. Then she left her room and made her way towards the medical bay.

The halls were dark and abandoned as she expected, with only dim security lights placed every ten feet to light the way. She could only hope they would continue to be as empty as she got closer and that the ever diligent Dr. Julia Silverstein wasn’t working late on her research. Her luck held; Kay eased the door open slowly, mentally preparing excuses to her presence, but found the room empty. It seemed Julia had actually gone to get some rest. Kay switched on the flashlight and started looking around. She wasn’t positive what she was looking for, but knew that when she found it she would know. And she did. After a few minutes, Kay tracked down a file folder containing everything they had gleaned from observing Riku’s transformation from human to chiropteran. She skimmed through the wealth of information and took advantage of the room’s copier to make copies of a few select pages. When she finished, she carefully replaced the folder where she had found it and stuffed the copies in her sweatshirt.

The plan after that had been to sneak back to her room with no one the wiser, but that wasn’t what the universe had in store today. Kay turned a corner to one of the outer paths on the ship and almost ran straight into Hagi and Riku. They were standing at the railing, looking out over the water. Both parties froze, trying to measure the other's reaction. Kay let the tension fall from her shoulders after a moment and attempted a casual smile.

“You guys couldn’t sleep either, huh?” she said, shoving her hands in her pockets. “Sorry, was that insensitive?” 

Neither Hagi nor Riku spoke.

“Right. I should get back and go to bed. You two have a good night.”

She scurried away, walking quickly back to her room. The papers she had brought back were carefully tucked into her journal before the whole thing was returned to its hiding place. There would be time to read them later. For now, it was time to get some sleep. Kay kicked off her shoes, turned off the light, and slipped under her covers once more, praying the nightmares would not return.

And they didn’t. Kaelin found her sleep interrupted instead with a waking nightmare. She was jarred into wakefulness by a cacophony of firing guns, men shouting, and alarms. Red emergency lights were flashing when she opened her eyes and groaned. Kay jumped up and started to pull on her left shoe, hopping on one foot as she jerked open the drawer in her nightstand to grub around for her earpiece. She got that hooked onto her ear, cord dangling freely while working on the second shoe. That accomplished, she plugged the headset into the walkie she clipped to her waistband, grabbed her pistol from the wardrobe, and rushed out the door. 

Kay dashed her way through the halls, flinging herself up stairwells when she reached them. The voices in her ear eased one of her fears as Joel was evacuated from the ship via helicopter. It sounded like the fighting was moving up; Saya was drawing the enemy to her there. Bodies started dotting the floor the closer she got, slowing her pace as the copper tang of blood washed over her. She stumbled and came to a stop, staring at a man who had been all but cleaved in two. The smell felt like it was penetrating her every pore, setting her throat on fire and causing her breath to come in gasps. The wall steadied her while she tried to regain her composure, hand clasped tight over her mouth and nose. Kay gulped, took a deep shuddering breath and ran up the last set of stairs into open air.

The chaos multiplied tenfold as she stepped onto the deck. Gunfire and yells pressed in on her from all sides. Black cloaked figures leaped in impossible arcs around the ship, swinging blades at a speed that was difficult to follow. She thrust her pistol into her waistband, crouching to scoop up an assault rifle that had fallen from the hands of a soldier who had lost his head. Kay shot in small bursts whenever one of the enemy stopped moving long enough for her to sight on them. Her progress was slower now, quick but steady. She was raising the gun again when a scream tore the air. It was a desperate, terrified scream. And as it trailed off, she recognized the voice. It was Kai.

Kaelin sprinted around the last corner just in time to see Riku clutching his shoulder while Kai and Saya rushed to his side. Kay watched the drama unfold from a distance; she wasn't a part of this, though it broke her heart to watch Kai going through it. He had been in denial since Riku woke, they all knew it. But how could he deny the evidence of his own eyes? Riku’s wound healed in a matter of moments before them all. Perhaps that was the moment they all knew for certain that he had changed. 

The stunned silence on deck broke when one of the black-clad attackers dashed forward. Saya met him in mid-air and sliced him cleanly in two. His corpse vanished over the side and with the realization that Saya now possessed two chevaliers, the invaders disappeared into the night. Kay hadn’t taken her eyes off of Riku because she had a sickening feeling about what was coming next. Riku slowly opened his eyes as Kai shook him and called his name. Tears stung in her own eyes at the sight of the brothers and a pang of sadness at the loss of her own punched her in the gut. 

And then it happened. With a cry, Riku fell over hands grasping at his throat. He had been injured and now he needed blood. Just as David called for Lewis to fetch Julia, Kai ripped open his shirt and pulled his brother to him. Kay felt her breath catch in her throat, eyes wide and unblinking as Riku raised his head and bared his fangs. She wanted to look away, but found that she couldn’t. The newly awakened chevalier, in the body of a little boy, sunk his fangs into the flesh of his brother’s neck. 

It was like she had been struck by lightning. One hand came up to cup her own neck, where she was sure she could feel the ghostly pain of two punctures. Her heart was racing in her chest, so hard she thought her sternum might break. At the same moment the rain started to fall, Kaelin felt herself break out in a cold sweat and she started salivate. She was going to be sick. She ran for it. 

Kay barely made it to the other side of the ship before she threw up. She gripped the railing with shaking hands, riding the waves of nausea as they crashed over her. The image seemed to be burned into her mind. After awhile the vomiting subsided to dry heaving and that too faded away. Kaelin turned to lean back on the railing, breathing hard. The taste of the bile was still sharp in her mouth. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and waited for her heartbeat to slow. The rain beat on her upturned face, eyes shut as she collected herself. Kay drew her phone from her pocket, scrolling through the contacts until Solomon’s entry was highlighted. 

She stared at the screen for a long moment, a slight frown creasing her features. It was too soon. Things were progressing faster than before. Her thumb hovered over the call button. 

The phone rang, nearly causing her to drop it. Joel’s name and photo had appeared in the place of the contacts screen, breaking the spell that had frozen her momentarily. Kay answered. 

“Joel?”

“Thank goodness you’re alright.” His voice was immediately filled with relief. “I would have liked to evacuate you as well, but it was all happening too quickly and they insisted.”

“No, I’m glad you got out of the way. Things are a mess here. It would have taken me too long to get to the helipad anyway. Are you on your way back?”

“Yes. Meet me in my office.”

The next two days passed in a blur after that. Joel refused to let her help with the clean-up, an order that Kay was glad to follow. That didn’t mean she had no work to do. Joel set her to making preparations for a group to stay in Paris for an undetermined length of time. She put together supplies and spent time on the phone arranging details. It was only when she had been at it for a few days that it clicked just who she was making this arrangements for. She reached for her phone and turned it over and over in trembling hands. Minutes later Kay burst into the meeting room, startling Joel and David. 

“I would like to accompany Saya’s group to Paris." The words tumbled out of her mouth before either man could comment on her barging into their discussion. The silence that followed was deafening. Joel and David stared at her, stunned, while Kay stood her ground awaiting a reply.

“I think that combination of words is the least likely phrase I thought I’d ever hear you say,” Joel finally said, rising from his chair. “You don’t trust Saya and you hate Paris. What is this about, Kaelin?”

He was right. Under normal circumstances this exact assignment would be the worst possible she could be given, one she would even consider downright refusing. But these weren’t normal circumstances. She needed to get back to Paris and to do that she would have to convince them that she wanted to go.

Kay took a deep breath and beat down the panic rising in her chest. The tension fell from her shoulders as she adopted a tone of casual disinterest.

“You wanted me to try, didn’t you Joel? This is me trying. I can be helpful in Paris; I was assigned there most recently. I’ve already established contacts in the area. I can continue my investigation of Cinq Flesche and help safeguard Saya from outside the group.”

“I don’t think that this is a good idea,” David piped in. “You’ve been confrontational with Saya once already completely unprovoked and I know for a fact that you haven’t apologized yet despite receiving orders to do so weeks ago.”

Kay dropped her gaze to the floor. She had known that David would be the hard one to convince, but it didn’t matter as long as she talked Joel around. 

“I will apologize, Joel, I will,” she insisted, directing her words to her foster father. “There’s been so much going on. Kai said she was avoiding Riku and he was trying to help them make up and I didn’t want to make thing anymore complicated. And I’m worried about Kai, he was in such denial over what happened and then after the attack…”

She let her voice trail off, like she had said more than she meant to. In reality, Kay had said exactly as much as she thought she needed to get the needed result. All of her reasoning was sound and it was true that she had some concerns over how Kai was processing the whole situation, but none of it was the truth. The truth was a secret thing she had never said aloud.

The hard set of Joel’s face faltered. He knew that she hadn’t gotten close to anyone in a long time and it had been even longer since she had been able to be around someone her own age. That small slip of vulnerability was what she had needed to crack him. A seed of guilt planted itself deep in her gut, but she ignored it. There was no time to feel guilty. It was accelerating too quickly.

Joel took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead like his head ached.

“Apologize to Saya first. If she has no objections, then neither do I.”

“But Joel,” David started before Joel raised a hand to silence him.

“Saya has the final say.”

Kay nodded and trotted out of the room. She had a general idea of where the others might be found. It took some time, but she finally caught up to Saya, Hagi, Kai, and Riku in the dining hall. Her heart caught at the sight of the bandage on Kai’s neck. There was already an awkward tension in the air as Saya and Kai settled down to eat next to the others who had empty table in front of them. The tension only deepened as they noticed her presence. Even Kai was carefully avoiding meeting her eyes.

“My apologies for interrupting,” Kay said at her most polite. “I was wondering if I might have a word…” She trailed off. No one moved. “With Saya.”

Saya pushed back her chair and stood, a small frown on her delicate features. Hagi rose too to stand silently at her back. Kay’s heart started pounding hard as she tried to work up the nerve to speak again, to say what needed to be said. She had hoped that this would be just as simple, that this would come with the same ease as as her manipulation of Joel. It didn’t. She swallowed hard.

“I owe you an apology. I have for awhile. My...behavior when you first arrived was unacceptable. I know that, I knew that when it happened, but I panicked. I knew all about you from the diary, but being confronted with the real thing was more of a shock than I thought it would be. Like there was still a part of me that didn’t believe that this was real. I know that you’re on our side, that we are on your side helping fight your war, but seeing the physical manifestation of that war scared me. I’m sorry.”

_Lies, lies, lies. A means to an end._

But it seemed that they perceived the tremble in her voice as a sort of hesitant sincerity. Saya gave her a tiny smile as Kai relaxed in his seat behind her.

“It was very good,” Saya said. Kay made a questioning sound. “Your pasta. I enjoyed it very much.”

“I”m glad,” Kay replied, voice still small. “I don’t get to cook very often, so I’m always happy to feed people when I do.”

Sixty full seconds of silence.

“Anyway,” Kay continued, nerves at an all-time high because she had no idea if this was going to work. Joel was easy, Joel she knew, Joel was human and therefore predictable. “I also wanted to ask your permission to accompany your group to Paris.”

More silence.

“Why?” Saya was clearly baffled.

“I want to be of help to you. I am a member of Red Shield after all. I was there just recently; I know my way around and I speak the language. I won’t be in the way. I’ll stay in a separate flat and have my own tasks, but I will be nearby if you need anything.”

_Don’t look too desperate._

To everyone’s surprise, it was Riku who spoke next. He got up out of his chair and ran around the table to stand at Saya’s side, a bright smile on his face. Kay couldn’t help but smile back; she was starting to think that smile was permanently inscribed on the boy’s lips. 

“I think it would be all right, don’t you Saya? Kay and Kai are friends now and maybe if we got to know each other we could be friends with her too.”

And that smile of his was so sincere that Kay saw the moment that Saya melted under its influence. 

“Yeah, okay.”

After a couple minutes of exchanging thanks and Saya reassuring her that she would speak with David and let him know that Kay would be coming with them, Kay managed to escape back to her room. She felt like her lies chased her back there, bearing down from all sides in the tiny hallways of the ship. It was a relief to close the door at her back, so much so that she simply leaned there for a moment. She had just lied to and manipulated probably ever person in the world that cared about her, a short list, and a couple who didn’t care but seemed to want to make an effort to. But there was no time to feel bad about it. Kay took her phone from her pocket and composed a quick text message.

_I’m going to be back in Paris. Will you be around?_

The reply came three minutes later as she was piling clothing into her suitcase. The guilt was still burning hot in her belly, but when she read the message she was able to bite it back to a smolder.

_Yes._


End file.
